Not long after I made the commitment, once and for all to RADICALLY love & except myself, I was faced with a decision. I started to wonder if weighing myself weekly, was aligned with my new way of looking at old issues. It seemed to me that if I was truly focusing on the present moment with eating and exercise, that weighing myself would be a bit irrelevant. I was not changing my lifestyle for the reward of weight loss. I was changing my life, to be more aligned with my life’s purpose, the present moment.
I continue to be free....and it is still beautiful.
So as you probably know, I decided to elimated weighing myself completely. This was not easy at first. As I started to embrace a healthy lifestyle, and my clothes were fitting a little looser, I wanted badly to know what that number was. I however resisted the temptation to give in and that has been one of the very best things I have done for myself. The scale is a deceptive tool. It goes without explanation that there was a negative impact on my self image when the number going up. However, I believe that even when the number on the scale was going down, my self image in the long run was taking a beating. There is a little Gremlin that has lived in my head throughout my life. He has constantly told me, that I would have to be thin to be beautiful, to be acceptable, to be whole and to be wanted. He was there each and every time I weighed myself, one of his favorite activites in fact. He would kick me when I was down and pat me on the back when I did well. He was in my head evaluating everything I ate, in times of feast (gaining weight) and famine (losing weight).
So that gremlin is pretty quiet these days (wish it was as simple as no baths and no food after midnight!). He would love for me to bring out that scale each and every week, as a way to validate my self-worth. Sorry Mr. Gremlin, not anymore. I will in fact weigh myself again (maybe at a doctor’s visit?) However I will watch very closely that Mr. Gremlin does not reappear or at least if he does, that he gets put into his place. I wish words could express how liberated I feel. Freedom is a beautiful thing
What activities and tools keep your gremlin fed? Whether it is negative or positive- the nourishment by these activties are keeping Mr. Gremlin in control of your life. What might you have to no longer do, inorder to stop feeding your gremilin?