Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A Bad Ass Bitch Faces Fear







I have competed in very few things in my life. I definitely have never competed in anything athletic or remotely related to my bodies abilities. In less than two weeks I am registered to compete in the Bad Ass Bitch Invitational Strongwoman Competition (Novice Division.)


I have started asking myself, as I look at the bruises all over my forearms (from practicing loading atlas stones) and feel soreness in what feels like every muscle in my body, WHY AM I DOING THIS? I am not just talking about the competition, but also my other fitness goals. Why do I care if I ever get a pull-up or complete a heavy snatch with good form? It would be so much easier to NOT PUSH MYSELF.


Why can I not be just satisfied with doing CrossFit 3 times week- scaling everything forever? I could still have fun. I would still maintain health. I could resign myself to the idea that my body was neglected for way to long to be able to improve much more than it has. I’m healthy, I am strong….isn’t that good enough?

Sometimes I wish it could be that way. I see other people happy that
way, but I am a different animal. I am passionate, intense and courageous. Sure new experiences and lofty goals rise fear inside me, but I find I am the kind of person that is willing to stare fear right in the face, grounded in its polar opposite...LOVE. I have been like this my whole life, in every area but one…my body. The fear about my body, the food I put into it, the way it looked and what I could not do is the most dibilating fear I have ever experienced. In the beginning, like a baby taking first steps, I faced that fear by just finishing each workout. There is no more fear about finishing. The fear now is about getting to the next level.

Good ole Mr. Gremlin has been nagging me lately. Whispering in my ear….“Why are you doing this? It’s too hard, just stop! You are crazy to think you will ever accomplish some of the things you want to!”

FU Mr. Gremlin! What have I got to lose? It is hard, but I enjoy it. I may not accomplish what I have set out to do….but I might. The world of possibilities is open to me. Anything is truly possible, taking one step at of time with presence. In presence, fear is gone. All that matters is the moment, It is each moment is what carries us to what we desire.

This bad ass bitch with be pulling a jeep across a parking lot, lifting a 135 pound stone, turning a 300 pound Conan’s wheel. Pressing a 45lb dumbbell, 110lb Barbell, 105lb axle and a 105lb log overhead and dead lifting an axle heavier and heavier until I can no longer get it off the ground. I may be a little crazy, but that’s me and I like me. I like that I take risks, that I don’t need a buddy to try something new, that I have the courage to FACE FEAR, the courage to CHOOSE LOVE. In my experience…that courage has brought the MOST AMAZING things into my life, indescribable joys that have enriched me in countless ways.

Here I come fear….I hope your ready…cause your going down!





Link:

Today the guest post on the Paleo Chix blog was written by yours truly :-)

Thank you Aileen for giving me the opportunity!!



Quote:

“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.” - Unknown


P.S.

I was able to do a training session at Iron Sports Gym where the competition is being held with Strongman Steve Pucinella. I was elated that I could do all of the events, with less difficulty than both of us had imagined. I will be doing some training this week on my own and at crossfit and then next week I’m going to stick to metcons and/or form only strength days at crossfit. I have no expectations about how I'll do, except that I wish to do my very best (and have fun doing it!)

2 comments:

Maura said...

Steph, I think that it is awesome that you are doing this and getting the extra training you need to succeed. I hope to be there cheering you on! Maura

Stephanie Vincent said...

Thanks Maura!! If you were in my cheering section I'd be honored!!