Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Gift at the Bottom of the Mug.

I have been a coffee drinker for probably the last 5 years. For most of those 5 years it’s been a 1-2 cup a day habit. After going Primal my coffee recipe gradually has metamorphosed. In the beginning I continued to drink my coffee with splenda and cream (I never used sugar, being the child of a diabetic). As I got further into the lifestyle it became important for me to cut out “artificial” anything, so I managed to drink my coffee with only cream. Several months down the road, I began to feel the pull to limit my dairy intake more strictly. So I amazingly trained my taste buds to take the coffee black. Yet still there was something about the coffee drinking that bothered me.

I think what has been irking about my daily coffee is that I feel like I needed to have it every morning. If that meant being late to the place I was going so be it. When CrossFitKop announced 30 day challenge in April to try something new with diet, I immediately thought….coffee. But as soon as I had that thought, the next one emerged. Why bother, it’s only 1-2 cups a day, why go through the aggravation? As fate would have it a friend said to me “What do you have to lose?” (Thank you Michele!) With that as my motivation I decided to try 30 days no Coffee (no dark chocolate or tea either).

Now here I am day 6, no caffeine to be found in my system. And I am a little astounded by what I am experiencing. Physically, I feel like I have been in a fog & I’m extremely tired. Mentally I am thinking about coffee, talking about coffee, craving coffee like a…..ADDICT. I am surprised by how strong of an addiction my cup of Joe really is. It’s almost as bad as what it felt like to quit smoking and that blows my mind.

I am not out of the water yet. I am thinking about a delicious cup as I write. But I can tell you this, the more I realize the effects this habit has on my body and mind the more I am determined to see the rest of the challenge through. Apparently caffeine is my latest addiction to move through.

I can say with confidence that I have an addictive personality. It runs through my genes. My dad was probably addicted to more things than you could count on your fingers and toes in his lifetime. I don’t know what other people’s experiences are, but for me addiction is a very unsettling space. When I am addicted it feels like there is a piece out of place. I feel like I am in a constant battle when I am in the throws of it. Addiction makes it impossible to be present.

You may recall, my life’s purpose is to be in the present moment. 2 cups of Coffee a day may seem like a little thing, but I am clear now that it is an addiction. And I am convinced all addictions are equal when it comes to getting in the way of my life’s purpose. Will I ever have the hot brown stuff again? I’m sure I will, but when I do my intention is that it will be a conscious choice to partake.

What do you need to have? What would make you cringe at the thought of giving it up?  Why not try 30 days with out it...what do you have to lose?



"...use caffeine like any drug should be used - on occasion but never habitually"
-Caroline MacDougall

"An uncomfortable feeling is not an enemy. It’s a gift that says, "Get honest; inquire."
-Byron Katie

On April 1st we celebrated my daughters 4th birthday.  She is a indescribable gift to my life.  The most beautiful mirror I've ever had the pleasure at looking into. Happy Birthday Jovina! 

Trying out her new roller skates 7am birthday morning!


Charity Dasenbrock said...

Hi, I experienced the same sorts of things this winter when I let go of my daily green or black tea habit. same as you, just a big mug in the morning, but I was called to finally be done with caffeine ( gave up coffee a few years ago). I was really tired for a couple of weeks. I was shocked by this, thinking that I wasn't really having that much caffeine. Well, even a little bit is very hard on the adrenal glands. I am finally over that but there definitely are days when I long for some strong black tea. Good luck.

letgobefree@comcast.net said...

Thanks Charity, Glad to here I'm not crazy!! Think I'm starting to feel a little more awake today!!

Dorothy said...

I can quit coffee any time I want. I just don't want to.
Ha! Ha!
Spoken like a true addict.