Friday, November 6, 2009

Kicking the Scale & Mr. Gremlin to the Curb!

Not long after I made the commitment, once and for all to RADICALLY love & except myself, I was faced with a decision. I started to wonder if weighing myself weekly, was aligned with my new way of looking at old issues. It seemed to me that if I was truly focusing on the present moment with eating and exercise, that weighing myself would be a bit irrelevant. I was not changing my lifestyle for the reward of weight loss. I was changing my life, to be more aligned with my life’s purpose, the present moment.

So as you probably know, I decided to elimated weighing myself completely. This was not easy at first. As I started to embrace a healthy lifestyle, and my clothes were fitting a little looser, I wanted badly to know what that number was. I however resisted the temptation to give in and that has been one of the very best things I have done for myself. The scale is a deceptive tool. It goes without explanation that there was a negative impact on my self image when the number going up. However, I believe that even when the number on the scale was going down, my self image in the long run was taking a beating. There is a little Gremlin that has lived in my head throughout my life.  He has constantly told me, that I would have to be thin to be beautiful, to be acceptable, to be whole and to be wanted. He was there each and every time I weighed myself, one of his favorite activites in fact.   He would kick me when I was down and pat me on the back when I did well. He was in my head evaluating everything I ate, in times of feast (gaining weight) and famine (losing weight).

So that gremlin is pretty quiet these days (wish it was as simple as no baths and no food after midnight!).  He would love for me to bring out that scale each and every week, as a way to validate my self-worth. Sorry Mr. Gremlin, not anymore. I will in fact weigh myself again (maybe at a doctor’s visit?) However I will watch very closely that Mr. Gremlin does not reappear or at least if he does, that he gets put into his place. I wish words could express how liberated I feel. Freedom is a beautiful thing.

A Note About My Biggest Supporter:

This Sunday is the 6th anniversary of my marriage. I wanted to take the opportunity of this public forum to express my gratitude for having such an amazing husband. My husband is my biggest supporter. He has loved me through ups and downs, in my weight and otherwise. He has always been able to see my beauty no matter what size I was. When we fell in love, it felt like he could see the real me, underneath the physical and the emotional weight, like no one had ever before. Throughout the battle with my weight issues; he has never struggled with what other people thought or his own disappointment. His only concern was for my mental and physical health. I know this because I know what support feels like when it is convoluted with fear or a person’s own issues….his support has always felt clean and clear. He has been right behind me each end every step I have made to become more healthy and whole in mind body and soul. I am blessed and filled with gratitude to have a husband like him. It may seem cliché, but his support is truly the wind beneath my wings.
Memanum Vincent, Love Always, Your Satta :-)

A related article on the  imprisonment of the scale:


 "What is my Purpose in this Life? And, for me, at least, the answer to that question all boils down to learning how to Love, embrace, appreciate and accept myself, my experiences, others and the whole Universe unconditionally. My purpose in life is definitely not about acquiring skills, power, possessions, positions, etc. It's all about learning how to Love. Of course, in the process of learning how to love unconditionally, you may, in fact, acquire some skills, power, possessions, positions, etc. But it's not about any of these "things" that your life is really all about."

-Yanni Maniates
My thoughts exactly!


Anonymous said...

The amazing thing is that you are still the same person I met 10 years ago. I will always love and accept you.

Your renewed effort to make healthy choices has paid off. You are at a happier juncture in your life. We are each other can count on me.
Memanum always

Margarita said...

Stephanie, that's awesome that you've shut up Mr. Gremlin! :) It's amazing how we equate thinness with health, beauty, good, virtuous. It's such a pervasive message and one that you're helping to correct! Having an unconditional support system is also so important. Happy belated anniversary! By the way, great blog name. I've bookmarked your blog, and look forward to reading it.

Anonymous said...

margarita....I too am so glad to have found your blog! I am going to put a link to it on my main page :-) Here is to starting a revolution!